What is Wrong With the Kids Today?

So last night we went out to my mother-in-law’s house for dinner. We end up hauling Logan out there more than she comes to us, which I don’t think is how it should be, but that’s another matter for another post. Also, my mother-in-law is not the most fantastic cook, which is yet another matter for yet another post. She can bake like nobody’s business, but when it comes to the rest…eh.

Anywho, we got to the house around 4:30 and my brother-in-law, my wife’s oldest sibling (17), was actually home. Usually when we come by, he’s at work. I like hanging out with my brother-in-laws, the older one more so because there’s a huge difference in maturity level between the two, so it was nice that he was around. I went up to his room and (no surprise here) he was playing a video game. At the time, he was playing Assassin's Creed for the Xbox 360, which he had just recently bought. After running around on that game for a while, he switched over to Halo 3 so we both could play.

For those of you who are not familiar, Halo has been one of the most successful game franchises for Microsoft on the Xbox and Xbox 360. In the game you play as Master Chief, a really tough dude in some big tough sci-fi space armor. In normal game play you go around blasting the hell out of a variety of aliens. The first game was great. The second, in my humble opinion, didn’t really add much to the first, the third I haven’t really played enough of to make a conclusion about. Possibly the biggest draw of the game, though, is the ability to play against your friends. Eventually, the game moved to online play, and now millions of teenagers, nerds living in their mom’s basements and gaming addicts can play against opponents down the road or across the globe.

There was a time when I could kick the kids’ butts on this game seven ways from Sunday, but with increased responsibilities…well, you know how it goes. So I wasn’t doing that great on the game, which I expected, and I was just there to have fun. The other players are more serious and can get pretty intense about it.

At one point, my brother-in-law threw a grenade that accidentally killed one of the random players on our team. Almost instantly we hear, “Why the fuck did you betray me you fucking asshole!?!” from the TV’s speakers (the game has live chat for some wicked trash talking *rolls eyes*). My brother-in-law snatched up his headset and apologized to the random player. Then he apologized again when he didn’t get an immediate response. This is very sad.

The most funny/disturbing part was the “victory dance” that players would perform after they had killed someone, particularly someone that was pissing them off. Now, back when I played, we’d have maybe eight people in the same room and a “victory dance” would consist of some trash talking, and maybe giving the virtual corpse a good punch in its virtual head. Apparently, that’s not enough for today’s youth while they’re playing Halo. Today’s youth will teabag (T-bag?) their opponent’s corpse. That’s right, I said teabag. I was just as stunned as you.

You see, the left thumb stick, when pushed in, will make the character crouch. This is useful for sneaking around, or hiding behind something if you want to line up a shot or are being shot at. I guess this is also useful for slamming your virtual junk into the face of a virtual corpse. I don’t think I would have ever thought of that while playing the game. I doubt my brother-in-law thought of that all by himself either, but he did revel in doing it. What’s more, the younger brother-in-law (14) also practices teabagging while playing Halo. While commencing with the teabagging, he also said something like “How do you like that, huh?”

But wait, there’s more. Oh, yes, it doesn’t stop there. Teabagging is good for if the character dies and lands on his back, but what do you do if the character falls face down? Why, you can “rape” him with your gun or sword, that’s what. If the character falls face down in death, it’s not uncommon for the player that killed you to stick his gun up the corpse’s butt and fire off a couple rounds. My brother-in-law then explained that it’s best to do with the sniper rifle because of it’s length and obvious phallic resemblance. *shocked look*

What the heck is wrong with these kids? And it’s not just my in-laws, it’s kids everywhere playing this game. And I’m sure the guys in their 20s, 30s, etc. are doing it too. Honestly, what the fuck? What ever happened to a little trash talk and maybe taking an extra shot at the corpse to see the blood splatter? I don’t know, but it was both amusing and disturbing. Throughout the game, though I died many, many times, I don’t think I was ever teabagged. I know my brother-in-law never did it to me because we were always on the same team. However, here’s an exchange that occurred after the game was over:

Me: That’s totally gay
B-I-L: Too bad we didn’t play each other. I would have raped you.
Me: That’s just wrong.

Oh, and here's a handy instructional video I just found. Note the voices of the narrators that are probably both 12 but are making their voices sound deeper, as if anyone would be tricked by that. Also note the awesome music to get you pumped up, and the fact that the narrators say they will show you how to defend yourself against getting teabagged and don't. As near as I can tell, there is no way to stop another player for doing it, once you're dead.