Doing Cocaine

Yes, that's right, I just did some Cocaine in the office. No, not the drug, but the energy drink. Yes, that's right, there is an energy drink called Cocaine, which is bottled (or canned I guess since it came in a can) by Redux Beverages. The only other beverage on Redux's site is Brawndo - The Thirst Mutilator, which was inspired by the movie Idocracy and is advertised as "the industry’s first carbonated sports/energy hybrid."

One of the guys in the office got three cans of Cocaine as a novelty when he ordered some computer products online, and it's been sitting on his desk for a couple weeks. Well, we had some cups in the office and he figured it was about time to crack it open for a little taste test.

It is about the size of a can of Red Bull and a pinkish, reddish color. The word Cocaine is printed on the side in letters that would look like they are made out of powder. There is a little box of text to one side saying that Cocaine is just a name and that there is no drug in the drink (duh). Apparently, if you look at the site for the drink, Redux Beverages has had no end of problems from state and federal governments banning the drink. There is another little box on the can that gives it an energy rating, and Cocaine has earned three and a half longhorn heads on the energy scale. I'm not sure how much energy is in a standard longhorn head, or how far the scale goes, but a can of First, let me start with the can. Cocaine will give you 3.5 longhorns worth of energy. I had about a fifth of a can, so I would have consumed roughly three quarters of a longhorn worth of energy.

The drink itself is bright pink, reminiscent of Strawberry Crush, and indeed smells like Strawberry Crush. It is pretty highly carbonated and for at least three of the five of us (me included) gave us a destinct burning sensation in our nostrils when we drank it. I have to wonder if this was intentional by the manufacturers, possibly trying to simulate some of the sensation of actually snorting cocaine. The drink also imparts a burning sensation along the back of the tongue and throat. Even now, approximately twenty minutes after drinking it, I still feel a burning sensation in my stomach. This is even after washing it down with about a third of a can of Coke Zero to get the burning tingle and the taste from the back of my tongue (both of which are still kind of there). The drink has the flavor of strawberries and black pepper. Yes, it seriously tastes like someone simmered some Strawberry Crush or Strawberry Fanta or something similar with some ground pepper, carbonated it, and put it in a can. It really isn't a good flavor combination. It certainly is not the mediciney taste that I have experienced with the few other energy drinks I have tried, and would have expected.

Would I drink it again? I don't think so. Should you try it for yourself? I guess that's up to you. But before you do, ask yourself if you're ready for a full three point five longhorn heads worth of energy. In the mean time, I'm going to find something to quell the burning sensation in my stomach.