Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Most Disturbing Commercial for a Gummi-like, Fruit-Flavored Snack Product That I've Ever Seen

You might look at a headline like that and think 'that's a pretty specific commercial' or 'how disturbing can a commercial for fruit snacks really be?' Well I'm here to tell you they can be pretty freakin' disturbing. I can understand trying to do a little gross out kind of thing for a younger audience. Hell, one of my favorite episodes of Spongebob is the one where he and Patrick get into an argument over cleanliness and Patrick tangles Sponegbob up in his armpit hair and gets Spongebob covered in his armpit grease. It's gross and I love it. But that's neither here nor there, we were talking about commercials.

Let's start with the Gushers' Robot Child commercial:

So what exactly does that mean? There's a chance that your child might bite down on some impenetrable Gusher that will fail to gush and then becomes a ticking time bomb of artificially flavored, high-fructose corn syrup destruction? If the Gush Squad didn't arrive in time would that mean some poor kid is going to drown on juiciness? Messed up, right?

How about this one from Fruit by the Foot:

"I've replaced your DNA with Fruit by the Foot."!?! WTF? What if the dog came across that mess before the parents got home? Say goodbye to your wonderful son. There's a chance that maybe the parents could find some kind of fruit snack DNA specialist doctor and have the process reversed. And this commercial is part of a series. Check this one out:

Wouldn't you think that the kid who's ancestors had been replaced by Fruit by the Foot would himself turn into Fruit by the Foot? I suppose he might not, if the heavier kid could only transform the ancestors into Fruit by the Foot but leave the rest of the time stream untouched. By trying to argue around the temporal aspects of this would take more brainpower than I have available at the moment.

Now I'm sure there are plenty of other messed up commercials, but this one, which I've only seen on television once just takes the cake. I showed it to Brandi and minute ago and she thought it was pretty gross.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Todd, who was born with a Gusher for an eye:

I know, leaves you kind of speechless right? I don't know where to begin. Do you start with the father that takes a little taste off of his crying son's face? Or how about Todd feeding baby birds by shooting Gusher juice into their open beaks?

I think my favorite part is the kid in the middle of the commercial that says "I don't get it. Is the Gusher on his eye? Or did they tape it on?" And then the other kid comes up with the double helix while the girl is mumbling the song, like it's no big thing. Of course he has a Gusher for an eye, have you been living under a god damned rock? I don't know what to say about this commercial that it doesn't say for itself.

Have you seen any other disturbing commercials for gummi-like, fruit flavored snack products?

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