The Most Disturbing Commercial for a Gummi-like, Fruit-Flavored Snack Product That I've Ever Seen

You might look at a headline like that and think 'that's a pretty specific commercial' or 'how disturbing can a commercial for fruit snacks really be?' Well I'm here to tell you they can be pretty freakin' disturbing. I can understand trying to do a little gross out kind of thing for a younger audience. Hell, one of my favorite episodes of Spongebob is the one where he and Patrick get into an argument over cleanliness and Patrick tangles Sponegbob up in his armpit hair and gets Spongebob covered in his armpit grease. It's gross and I love it. But that's neither here nor there, we were talking about commercials.

Let's start with the Gushers' Robot Child commercial:


So what exactly does that mean? There's a chance that your child might bite down on some impenetrable Gusher that will fail to gush and then becomes a ticking time bomb of artificially flavored, high-fructose corn syrup destruction? If the Gush Squad didn't arrive in time would that mean some poor kid is going to drown on juiciness? Messed up, right?

How about this one from Fruit by the Foot:


"I've replaced your DNA with Fruit by the Foot."!?! WTF? What if the dog came across that mess before the parents got home? Say goodbye to your wonderful son. There's a chance that maybe the parents could find some kind of fruit snack DNA specialist doctor and have the process reversed. And this commercial is part of a series. Check this one out:



Wouldn't you think that the kid who's ancestors had been replaced by Fruit by the Foot would himself turn into Fruit by the Foot? I suppose he might not, if the heavier kid could only transform the ancestors into Fruit by the Foot but leave the rest of the time stream untouched. By trying to argue around the temporal aspects of this would take more brainpower than I have available at the moment.

Now I'm sure there are plenty of other messed up commercials, but this one, which I've only seen on television once just takes the cake. I showed it to Brandi and minute ago and she thought it was pretty gross.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Todd, who was born with a Gusher for an eye:


I know, leaves you kind of speechless right? I don't know where to begin. Do you start with the father that takes a little taste off of his crying son's face? Or how about Todd feeding baby birds by shooting Gusher juice into their open beaks?

I think my favorite part is the kid in the middle of the commercial that says "I don't get it. Is the Gusher on his eye? Or did they tape it on?" And then the other kid comes up with the double helix while the girl is mumbling the song, like it's no big thing. Of course he has a Gusher for an eye, have you been living under a god damned rock? I don't know what to say about this commercial that it doesn't say for itself.

Have you seen any other disturbing commercials for gummi-like, fruit flavored snack products?

The Dude Enters the Matrix

Saw this on boingboing today. Too good not to share.



fuckin' a man.

The Monkey Madness Continues, More Curious George Insanity

This is a follow up to my previous rant about Curious George. When I got home today, Logan was watching the Curious George DVD he got for his birthday, Curious George gets a Job. In one of the episodes, that crazy little monkey takes it upon himself to work at a local grocery store. And you know what, no one seems to care that he's a frickin' monkey.

Apparently, store + hat = shop clerk...wait, that might explain some of the people I've worked with in my previous retail career.

So anyway, at this grocery store, a guy comes in and he needs a very special bunch of bananas, one that is extra sweet. You see, this nice businessman is going to make a banana cream pie for his mother. Maybe in one of the few bursts of logic on this show, the man recruits George to help him find this perfect bunch of bananas. After all, who would know a bunch of bananas better than a monkey. To test these bananas, George picks up each bunch (and for some reason, every bunch has three bananas) peels back half of the peel on two of them, and takes a generous bite. It is not until he gets to the last bunch, and is feeling rather full, that George finally finds the perfect bunch. Then when he finds it, the stupid guy actually buys the half eaten bunch of bananas to make the pie for his mother. Maybe the guy isn't really that nice after all. Maybe he really hates his mother and he figures he can secretly get back at his mother by serving her some banana cream monkey spit pie.

"I baked this pie just for you mom. What's that? No I don't want any, I'm still full from lunch. And you can go ahead and keep that whole pie. Why don't you share it with Mrs. Henderson. I can tell you that when I was a boy, I didn't care for Mrs. Henderson much. I thought she was a rather strict babysitter, but I can see now that she was just showing some tough love. What? The pie tastes a bit gamy? I don't know why that would be. The clerk helped me pick the perfect bunch for you."

On another episode, George works in an Italian restaurant in the kitchen. I guess, in New York, they don't mind eating food at restaurants that includes monkey hair and possibly monkey feces. It's just so confounding.

Curious George, The Obnoxious Little Monkey

"This is George. He was a good little monkey and always very curious."

That is what Margaret and H.A. Rey, and those who have continued on George's long legacy, would have you believe. First appearing in print in 1941, George was taken from Africa to live in the big city by the Man With the Yellow Hat. In his many adventures in print and on film, George finds himself in a situation where his limitless curiosity creates a cutsey situation that invariably leads to trouble. Then, by the good grace of the fact that he happens to be a monkey, George manages to resolve the situation, and the wronged or angered parties take a liking to George and let him off the hook.

The truth is, George is a nuisance. He is constantly causing trouble in public institutions, at businesses, at home, and among the neighbors. He must be stopped.

First off, the people that George interacts with must all be sipping generously of the stupid sauce, the Man in the Yellow Hat most of all, since they don't seem to think there's anything wrong with monkey helping them cook, running their sales counter, wandering around in a zoo or aquarium, visiting an animal shelter, etc. No matter how intelligent a monkey may seem, you shouldn't let him operate your business.

There appear to be no leash laws in the New York that George lives in, as dogs, cats, monkeys and any other animal is able to roam free up and down the streets. There are a couple of animals that George routinely pals around with whose owners only show up after the damage has been done. If the Man With the Yellow Hat would only invest in a leash, he could save himself the possibility of being slapped with numerous law suits.

However, I think the best investment that the Man With the Yellow Hat could make would be to take George to the vet and get him neutered. While this might be incredibly frustrating for the monkey, it might also have a great calming effect and help to curb the animal's curiosity.

Let's rid the world of this animal problem now so that he doesn't do any more damage.

Know the Difference, It Could Save Your Life

When the Apocolypse Comes, Will Your Children Be Prepared?

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

Reality Shows Spewing Unreality?

I'll admit that I've seen a few reality television shows. Note that this doesn't mean that I follow any so called "reality" programming, but I've seen more than I would care to see of this TV phenomenon. It's been argued that reality shows aren't really real in that the footage is manipulated and the participants are coached to make more drama.

Well what about the unreal expectations that reality shows present to those that watch them and follow them, those people who watch these shows and think 'That could be me; I could be winning that money/losing that weight/finding love/etc.'

Finally, an experienced and trusted news source has started to address this issue.


In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

Oh man, what would we do without The Onion?

My Earworms, Let Me Share Them

One of the guys in the office has the Flight of the Conchords CD on his iTunes and he recommended that I check it out. I did, and now I can't get rid of it. If you're not familiar with the Flight of the Conchords, they are Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, a Grammy Award-winning New Zealand comedy duo who bill themselves as "Formerly New Zealand's fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo."

According to Wikipedia, "the group uses a combination of witty observation, characterisation and acoustic folk guitars, modelled loosely on the 1960s U.S. duo The Smothers Brothers." Last year, the duo got it's own show on HBO, which is currently on season 2. I haven't seen the show yet, but I hear it's pretty funny. Anyway, the songs are good, but infectious (Nathan, you might want to stay away). Needless to say, their damn songs have been in my head all week, and I'm hoping that by sharing my earworms, then maybe they will leave me alone for a while.

Be warned, these songs are catchy, especially if you listen a couple times, which you might be inclined to do because they're also pretty funny.

Inner City Pressure:


Hophopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros:


Think About It:


Ladies of the World:


Go earworms, go!

Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines

Mega deadlines today and I'm dealing with people who are still trying to get me some information and the pages are due in, oh, 6 hours. (The pages in question still need to be laid out, proofed, edited, and posted.) So here's a video for y'all. It's keeping in with the current food theme that has taken over the UCF. Enjoy!


New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less