The Monkey Madness Continues, More Curious George Insanity

This is a follow up to my previous rant about Curious George. When I got home today, Logan was watching the Curious George DVD he got for his birthday, Curious George gets a Job. In one of the episodes, that crazy little monkey takes it upon himself to work at a local grocery store. And you know what, no one seems to care that he's a frickin' monkey.

Apparently, store + hat = shop clerk...wait, that might explain some of the people I've worked with in my previous retail career.

So anyway, at this grocery store, a guy comes in and he needs a very special bunch of bananas, one that is extra sweet. You see, this nice businessman is going to make a banana cream pie for his mother. Maybe in one of the few bursts of logic on this show, the man recruits George to help him find this perfect bunch of bananas. After all, who would know a bunch of bananas better than a monkey. To test these bananas, George picks up each bunch (and for some reason, every bunch has three bananas) peels back half of the peel on two of them, and takes a generous bite. It is not until he gets to the last bunch, and is feeling rather full, that George finally finds the perfect bunch. Then when he finds it, the stupid guy actually buys the half eaten bunch of bananas to make the pie for his mother. Maybe the guy isn't really that nice after all. Maybe he really hates his mother and he figures he can secretly get back at his mother by serving her some banana cream monkey spit pie.

"I baked this pie just for you mom. What's that? No I don't want any, I'm still full from lunch. And you can go ahead and keep that whole pie. Why don't you share it with Mrs. Henderson. I can tell you that when I was a boy, I didn't care for Mrs. Henderson much. I thought she was a rather strict babysitter, but I can see now that she was just showing some tough love. What? The pie tastes a bit gamy? I don't know why that would be. The clerk helped me pick the perfect bunch for you."

On another episode, George works in an Italian restaurant in the kitchen. I guess, in New York, they don't mind eating food at restaurants that includes monkey hair and possibly monkey feces. It's just so confounding.

Curious George, The Obnoxious Little Monkey

"This is George. He was a good little monkey and always very curious."

That is what Margaret and H.A. Rey, and those who have continued on George's long legacy, would have you believe. First appearing in print in 1941, George was taken from Africa to live in the big city by the Man With the Yellow Hat. In his many adventures in print and on film, George finds himself in a situation where his limitless curiosity creates a cutsey situation that invariably leads to trouble. Then, by the good grace of the fact that he happens to be a monkey, George manages to resolve the situation, and the wronged or angered parties take a liking to George and let him off the hook.

The truth is, George is a nuisance. He is constantly causing trouble in public institutions, at businesses, at home, and among the neighbors. He must be stopped.

First off, the people that George interacts with must all be sipping generously of the stupid sauce, the Man in the Yellow Hat most of all, since they don't seem to think there's anything wrong with monkey helping them cook, running their sales counter, wandering around in a zoo or aquarium, visiting an animal shelter, etc. No matter how intelligent a monkey may seem, you shouldn't let him operate your business.

There appear to be no leash laws in the New York that George lives in, as dogs, cats, monkeys and any other animal is able to roam free up and down the streets. There are a couple of animals that George routinely pals around with whose owners only show up after the damage has been done. If the Man With the Yellow Hat would only invest in a leash, he could save himself the possibility of being slapped with numerous law suits.

However, I think the best investment that the Man With the Yellow Hat could make would be to take George to the vet and get him neutered. While this might be incredibly frustrating for the monkey, it might also have a great calming effect and help to curb the animal's curiosity.

Let's rid the world of this animal problem now so that he doesn't do any more damage.

What’s the Deal, Pixar’s Cars?

I’ve done this once before, and I’m starting to think that maybe I’m looking into these movies a bit too much.

Lightning McQueen, the red-hot hot rod with a lot of talent and a lot to learn.

If you haven’t seen it, the Pixar movie Cars is the story of a race car, Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson), who is more than a little full of himself and has a lot to learn about racing. The overall theme would imply that no man is an island unto himself and with the help and support with others, anything can be achieved.

At first I was skeptical of the movie, but then once I saw it, I found that it was a really enjoyable movie with genuine funny bits and sad bits and everything else that one would come to expect from a Pixar movie. One of the things that I really like about Pixar is that if the story isn’t there, they won’t make the movie.

Anyway, all of that is well and good, but there are certain things that I noticed in teh movie that beg the question, What’s the deal?

First off, there’s the matter of technology and how the cars interact with the world around them. The cars can only manipulate their world through their tires, antennae, and their tongues. Some more specialized vehicles, such as McQueen’s pit crew, have forklift-style “appendages” that allow them to manipulate some tools. With such a limited means of manipulating the world around them, how do the cars build the structures in which they live? How do they fix, let alone manufacture something like a radio? They can’t possibly use their tires to piece together a circuit board. Do they have special robots that are used to manufacture these items? If they do use robots, seeing as how the cars are machines, would the robots be some kind of slave? How would the cars make these robots or anything else in the first place? It doesn’t make any sense.

The cars appear to have combustion engines, that take fuel, yet they give off no apparent exhaust (aside from the tractors in the “tractor tipping” scene, but I’ll get to the tractors in a minute). This is awfully convenient, seeing as how a world populated by machines would surely be a nightmare landscape, the by-product of so many greenhouse gasses.

Some of that could be helped by the type of fuel. I would assume by the flashes of crops going by as McQueen makes his journey to California that the cars consume some form of ethanol. Otherwise, what would the purpose of such extensive field crops be? Then there’s the matter of the tractors, which are the cows of the Cars world. What is the purpose of the tractor? We never see the cars consuming any solid matter. Are the tractors used for scrap metal to make parts and/or repairs on the cars? Otherwise, the tractors’ only purpose is for comedic effect.

And the last point that I wanted to touch on is how do the Cars reproduce? There are clearly male and female cars, and they are able to fall in love with one another, which one would assume means they would be able to reproduce. Sadly, though, I think the answer to that question is as mysterious as how Transformers reproduce. The cars appear to get old, and one would therefore presume that they die, so there must be some means of bringing new cars into the world. Is there some kind of car assembly line where they produce car bodies and then somehow recycle old car souls? What if a car is created/born/whatever as a sports car, but it’s really more of a monster truck? Is the soul put into some kind of Car blank that is formed by the spirit that is put in it?

Sadly, these questions are not answered during a viewing of Pixar’s Cars. Luckily, I’m here to ask those kinds of questions so that hopefully these things will be more completely thought out in the future.

The Truth Behind Thomas the Tank Engine

Thomas the Tank Engine is a cheeky little train, and he and his friends live on the Island of Sodor, where the people are friendly and everyone loves trains. On the Island of Sodor, there isn’t anything that can’t be done with a little hard work, compromise and collaboration. Seemingly everything on the island is run by Sir Topham Hatt, otherwise known as The Fat Controller, a small, round man who is stern, but has a heart of gold. At least, that’s what the show would want you to believe. To even a casual observer, however, the truth should be apparent.

-The Island of Sodor is an ass-backwards place where there are cars, planes, helicopters and more, but everything is done via the railroad. Sure, trains are useful, but no one seems to recognize how limited a train is in terms of where you can go and what you can do.

-For all the many, many accidents these trains have there are zero fatalities. Somehow, the people involved miraculously throw themselves from the train at just the right moment to avoid injury. I’m sorry, but this is just statistically impossible. I’m thinking their must be some kind of cover up involved to confound the railway’s safety inspector.

-Thomas the Tank Engine and the other trains are all a bunch of whiny bitches. That’s right, that’s all they are. The show might want you to believe that Thomas and friends are a happy bunch, but seriously, all the trains do is complain about the work they have to do until they get their way or are forced into labor. The show passes it off as there are lessons to be learned, but really, the trains are used as slave labor.

-What the heck are Thomas and his friends. No one knows the origins of these sentient locomotives. Are they alien beings come to the Island of Sodor from some far off planet? Are they human souls that have been trapped within the trains by the wicked Sir Topham Hatt and his evil league of conductors? Are they some form of artificial intelligence created to reduce the human workforce needed to run the island’s extensive railway system? Also, the trains appear to be immortal, because no matter how many accidents they have or how extensive the damage, they are always repaired and good as new.

-Sir Topham Hatt is a wicked, evil man who rules over the island with an iron fist. No one is allowed to step out of line when it comes to the railway. The Fat Controller has a hand in everything, including the ship yards, airways, roads, the factory system and the Island of Sodor’s natural resources. While Mr. Hatt might put on a friendly face for the general populous of the island, he is a real hard ass when it comes to keeping the trains in line. He commands when and how the trains are repaired, when they are reduced to scrap, and when and how they work.

In reality, the island would probably be more like this:



or this:

What’s the Deal, Toy Story?

We’ve all seen that loveable Disney/Pixar movie Toy Story. Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and others lend their voices to one of my favorite Pixar movies, which has now become my son’s favorite movie. I don’t know what it is about that movie to his 21-month-old brain, but he enjoys both Toy Story movies more than anything else he’s seen yet. Of course, he hasn’t been introduced to Star Wars yet, but that will come eventually. But I’m getting off topic.

What bothers me about Toy Story and Toy Story 2 when I watch it is one question: Where’s Andy’s father?

Where's your father, Andy?

In both movies, the mother is present with a supporting role and has a definite influence on Andy’s life. Not once in the movie do we see Andy’s father, no reference to him is made, there are no photos that I’ve seen with the happy family. One would have to figure that Andy knew his dad for at least a few years of his life since he has a baby sister that is a few years younger than him. Unless, of course, Andy’s sister is the offspring of another man, but then where is the second father if that is the case. And what does this say about Andy’s mom and the values she is teaching her children.

So why the oversight Pixar? Do you not value the role of a father in the raising of a child? Research shows that a father’s role is very important in the life of a child. Did you not have healthy relationships or any relationships with your fathers? If so, I am sorry that was the life you grew up with.

I know they’re just children’s movies, but I would like some kind of an explanation. I think this leaves a gaping hole in the lives of these two fictitious children. To try and fill in the story, I have come up with some possible explanations as to what may or may not have happened to Andy’s dad:

Sheriff Woody, simple toy or substitue father figure?

~Andy’s parents got divorced (for whatever reason, fill in the blank) and Andy’s father does not have any custody or visitation rights.

~Andy’s father was a police officer that was killed in the line of duty. This may explain Andy’s attachment to Sheriff Woody, and later Buzz Lightyear, possibly as a replacement father figure.

~Andy’s father “ran out for a pack of smokes” and never came back. Woody was a cherished toy that Andy had been given by his father and clings to it like he clings to the hope of his father’s return.

~Andy and his sister are the products of immaculate conception.

~In a Hand That Rocks the Cradle kind of scenario, Andy’s mom stole Andy away from his real family and made up some bogus story about his father’s whereabouts. The same would apply to Andy’s sister.

~Andy’s father is a Willy Wonka-esque toy maker who is too career focused to have time for a family and he sends toys out to the two children.

~The spirit of Andy’s father was trapped inside the Sheriff Woody doll and that is why the two are so attached.

Or maybe, I’m just thinking about all of this too much.