Story Bone

This came to me as I was driving home last night. Feel free to run with it.

It was morning. But then, it was the part of the morning where people have to look at their watch to see if it's still morning. That time of day when people aren't sure whether to say "Good morning" or "Good afternoon," because if the wrong thing was said, some smartass prick will correct you. It was 11:44.

Will Someone Stop That Beeping?

First off, I'm back. Had a good weekend up in Wisconsin, but I'll cover that later.

Someone in the office has some thingie that keeps beeping this morning. It sounds like the beep of the machines that monitor one's vitals while in the hospital. It'll start beeping for a few minutes and then stop for a while and then beep some more later. After very careful consideration, I've figured out what it is.

The sound is coming from the office of my boss's boss's boss. It must be a Justice League communicator that is summoning him off to take part in battling some global catastrophe or some intergalactic villain. I'm not sure what his powers would be, but they must be awesome indeed if he's being summoned so much. Of course he can't go because he knows I'm onto his little ruse.

Oh wait, the IT guy came and stopped whatever it was from beeping. I guess it was nothing. Unless that to is part of the ruse. Ah HA!

Monday Monotany Madness: Walking in the Woods

Walking in the Woods

I wandered down a snowy track laid out before me in a silent forest. The fading dusk light cast everything in shades of gray and black. The snow, even the light, absorbed sound so that I couldn't even hear my own footfalls. I was the only traveler on the path and felt like the only soul for miles. The air was still, the animals silent.

Without warning the ground began to shake. Snow fell to the ground in great heaps, and a host of animals ran toward me. Momentarily frozen, I stood watching as they ran right past me and continued on behind. A rumble and then a roar filled the air. The light had faded further, and all was in shadows.

The flood of animals was past, but the savage roar continued. Gradually the light became brighter, but to my confusion, it didn't come from above. It came from in front of me, and it glowed a vibrant green. Trees were pulled from the ground, the mud and dirt around their roots spattering all around me. Then it emerged, a giant creature the likes of which I had never seen before.

The green beast was covered in a layer of coarse fur. The greenish light came from it's chest, pulsating gently. I threw the trees aside and moved toward me. The beast's mouth opened to unleash another savage roar and I could see rows of serrated teeth. The remnants of a skunk hung from its jaws and the stench hung off of it like a cloak. It raised a thick, clawed paw as if to strike.

I cowered, waiting for the blow to knock my head off when suddenly I was falling. The ground had opened up and I fell 20 feet into a chamber below the forest. With the wind knocked out of me all I could do was lay on the floor of the chamber and look up at the animal raging above me. It's green light cast strange, moving shadows in the chamber around me. I looked and saw ancient carings in the smooth rock wall. Some were so old they were crumbling away.

Something shuffled behind me. I rolled over and scrambled back, trying to see through the darkness and the dust. A small form emerged from the depths of the chamber. It was a tiny man, only a foot tall. He was clothed in squirel skin and capped by a hollow acorn. He came within the light cast by the thing above and spoke in a surprisingly deep voice.

"It is our fault that the Glaxor has escaped, and now we will need your help in retreiving it."

Funtastic Friday Follies: The Favor

The Favor

Recently, a friend asked a favor of me. He wanted to know if I could hold onto something for him, but he couldn't tell me what it was.

Turns out it’s an ancient scroll that fell out of his teacher's atache case. The teacher hadn’t realized it fell out and my friend was all set to give it to him when he noticed it’s malign content. After reading several lines of the scroll he realized that it contains a powerful spell with which the caster will command all of the forces of the underworld to effectively take over the world. He couldn't be sure what the teacher's intentions are with the scroll at this point and so he needs to keep it out of his grasp.

Therefore, he elected to hide the scroll at my house putting my family in danger of being attacked by whatever malevolent forces are out to get this powerful talisman. The jerk.

Gone For the Weekend

Doin' the last bit of cleanup in the house and packing to get ready for our trip this weekend. We're going up to The Farm in good 'ol Richland Center, WI. Where a relaxing time is generally had by all. We'll see how it goes this year since we'll have Logan up there for the first time. Keeping our fingers crossed that he doesn't get super cranky or hurt himself or get some kind of insane bug bite or something. Still not sure if we're going to go over to Boscobell to see the fireworks. Logan didn't take to them to well last year.

So to all you UCFers out there, and anyone else that might happen by, hope you have a happy/fun fourth. Don't anyone go blowing any fingers off with reckless firework use! I'll be incommunicado until Sunday night/Monday, but, through the magic of Blogger, I'll have a Funtastic Friday Folly up tomorrow. (does anyone read those?) Hopefully I'll have some good picks and good stories when I get back.

A Pat on the Back

Not that I want to pat myself on the back or anything...well, ok I do, otherwise I wouldn't be putting up this post. I sent out my latest article yesterday for the subject to look over and say if there's anything he'd like changed. It's just one of the things we do at our b2b here to make sure everyone's happy. It's not that I was worried about the article, but trying to finish it in light of Friday's announcement, and other things going on at home, it was tough. But it came together ok and this morning I got a very nice email from the owner of the company I wrote about. It is, thus far, the best feedback I've gotten on an article. He said:

"Matt I think the article is fantastic! It is concise and extremely well written."

That made my morning good.

At the Serial Killers' Annual Conference

At the serial killers' annual conference, everyone waits impatiently in a low-lit, dank dungeon for Jack the Ripper to arrive. Ed Gein picks at the old, scarred table, its surface a collage of dark stains. Finally, the heavy door to the chamber is shoved open the breeze it creates makes the torches hung along the wall flicker. Every person at the confernece leans deeper into the shadow.

"Sorry for the delay everyone, but traffic was murder," Jack the Ripper says with a leer.

"You know, sir, that was not funny the first twenty times we heard it," H. H. Holmes says.